|My pursuit of finding God in the present moment|
One of the scariest and most wonderful gifts of self-reflection through writing for me is the constant evaluation of myself. A few months ago, I began to feel like my posts about pulling away from distractions were actually speaking to me specifically and I began to listen. By weaning myself slowly from blogs and Facebook, I have found my appetite for delightful distraction has shrunk considerably, and my presence in real life was something to be grasped again.
Back in August, I felt like my poor overworked mind had run a marathon and had hit the proverbial “wall” which runners describe. I just began to feel like I couldn’t write about a life I wasn’t living, because I was too busy scrolling on my lap top or getting on my phone to scan through Facebook every 10 minutes to be inundated by beautiful pictures of people I love and amazing articles by people I admire.
All of this coincided with a Focolare retreat, which epitomized “living in the present moment” and loving people by listening better. And soon after I began a reading group for a book by the name of “Simplicity Parenting,” emphasizing clearing your home, mind and heart of life’s clutter in order to be a better spouse and parent.
I sat here staring at this screen which was blank moments ago, blinking away bleary eyes, assuring my husband I’d “get to bed soon,” as I do on so many nights. The realization struck me that I’ve been in denial for a few months now. The theme of simplification seems to be what I desire to write about most, and therefore, I must have hit a wall. Is it blogger’s block, or is it a doorway to new things? I am not sure. But the Holy Spirit assures me that I won’t be left behind, or feel irrelevant, that I must follow where I am led.
More and more people are choosing to disappear from social media, and I get it. Where did my life go and why do I feel like I’m 70 in dog years? And who was I before I felt compelled to tell the whole world what kind of sandwich I am eating at lunch every day? (Is it okay to not have a sandwich-making fan club???)
I suppose some have a “take it or leave it” approach to social media, but I have more of a cookie monster inhalation approach, or maybe the all-consuming St. Terese approach of “I choose all!” Knowing this about myself, I will probably always struggle with my need to be “in the know,” and my simultaneous desire to “be away from it all.”
But may I encourage you, kind reader, as others have helped me, to spend your time tending to the eternal things… your thoughts and feelings, your dreams and the deepest hopes of your soul. And also the temporal things…like your child’s not so fresh diaper, your plants and maybe some of those bills. 🙂 Life is a balance and the eternal has to co-exist with the temporal. I am learning they really can fold into one another quite beautifully.