God, where have you gone?
It’s morning, the sun is just starting to cut through the darkness of the night and I find myself restless in bed. I will have to get up and start my day soon. The rooster crows letting me know that it is time, time to get my morning routine going. For the past three years or so, my every morning starts with a time of prayer. I have set into sort of a routine. The early days of this new routine were wonderful. I found great consolation in the regular rhythm of my prayer. It was comfortable and I almost always found some sort of great meaning in parts of what I read. I would meditate and I would write. It seemed like I was just overflowing with spiritual revelations. It was certainly a year of plenty, I was reaping a great harvest.
But I digress, back to this morning. Lately, the routine that I once found so much comfort in has started to become a heavy weight. My morning routine has become almost burdensome. My wife and I pray together in the morning. We generally read and pray the daily readings of the Church followed by the Liturgy of The Hours. The words this morning are heavy, coming off my tongue with great effort and a lack of enthusiasm. Why has God left me? Will he ever come back?
God never really leaves us though. When we are in the midst of all these great revelations and everything flows easily, it can easily become about me and how great I am with these revelations. I forget that all comes from God. This is the time when I go back to rest in the arms of God, to just let him love me. So, I thank God for the spiritual desert where I can set my gaze on him alone.
If you are in the desert, if God feels far away, quit trying so hard and spend some time in the arms of Jesus. Eucharistic adoration would be a great place to start.
