Jabba the Hutt, “Sexy” Costumes and Other Things That Distract from All Souls Day

All Saints Day and All Souls Day are coming up this week, and instead of basking in the rich history and awesomeness of these days, I find myself looking at what constitutes for a female Halloween costume these days and fending off negative self-talk.

So, yeah, I’m pregnant. I’m 25 weeks and while I understand that it’s a beautiful, magical, miraculous blessing, I still feel fat. Like Jabba the Hutt after binge eating Doritos and Oreos kind of fat. Not that I have done that, but believe me, there are days when I would love to. Really, it’s not that I’m eating excessively – I’m just growing a person, who at the moment is the size of a small cantaloupe. As such, my body has decided that no fat will be lost and all fat will be stored. It is very Pro-Fat. In addition to the fat storage that is borderline hoarding, my muscles are joining the game and are dissolving at a rapid rate. Danger says I look like a mom and “comfortable”. I think what he means is that I resemble the overstuffed beanbag chair that kids love to curl up on.

The point is, unless you’re blessed with naturally thin genes and maintain a lithe figure throughout pregnancy, you’re gonna be round and plump like the pumpkins lining everyone’s front porch. Throw in a lifetime’s worth of body insecurity, stores full of costumes that amount to little more than fancy underwear, and you have a recipe for a season-long pity party.

What’s with those costumes anyway? I saw a link that included costumes for Sexy Corn, Sexy Pizza, and even Sexy Ebola Nurse. SERIOUSLY? They’re even starting to make sexy costumes for teens and girls! Aye caramba. Don’t get me wrong: costumes can be fun and creative, but do they have to involve near-nudity to make them so? If you really wanted to be a popular farm crop, couldn’t you just be Cute Corn instead of Sexy Corn? And can we PLEASE stop sexualizing little girls? Back in my day, we had cute and innocent costumes, such as the Red Crayola masterpiece of 1988:

Wait – I’m getting off track here. My bad. See what I mean about these things distracting from the real stuff?

The real stuff is this:

1. Halloween can be fun, festive and family-filled (alliteration strikes again). Pumpkins, decorations, parties, modest costumes, candy… all fun in moderation. It’s a time when we can pretend to be whatever we dream of (and don’t tell me your dream is to look like sexy pizza), and spend time in fellowship.
2. All Saints Day on November 1st (aka Solemnity of All Saints and also All Hallows) allows us to celebrate the great saints who have gone before us, leading in example of how to be close to Christ. And also, you get to dress up in their traditional garb which can be fun (think St. Francis of Assisi) or scary (think St. Bartholomew).
3. Finally, All Souls Day (aka The Commemoration of All the Faithful Departed) is a beautiful day to remember those who have gone before us by celebrating their lives, sharing memories, and praying for our loved ones and all those souls who have no one to pray for them.

Moral of the story: I need to get over myself, and enjoy the holidays. There is so much fun, remembrance and solemnity to be had!