This past Saturday Pope Francis presided over a Mass during which several couples celebrated the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony (aka, Marriage). What made these couples “unique” according to social understanding of the Catholic faith is that all of these couples were either living together or who have had annulments. It seemed odd to the media and the secular world that the Catholic Church would celebrate a Sacrament for people who have “so obviously broken the rules and sinned.” But really, he wasn’t doing anything too extraordinary. The Pope was just doing what the Catholic Church is called to do for everyone: help us right our wrongs, deepen our faith and holiness and enter more fully into communion with the Catholic Church.
In recent years I’ve encountered more and more couples who, through various circumstances, have come into the Church or back to the Church and seek to celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage. It’s a beautiful thing in any circumstance to witness someone growing closer to God, whether it’s in the Baptism of a baby or in seeing a freshly cleaned soul step out of Reconciliation or in the celebration of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony for a couple who is re-entering into full communion with the Church. And that’s what Pope Francis has done. He has provided a witness for the world of how, even if you’ve “broken rules and sinned,” you can and should be welcomed back to God and the Catholic faith with open arms.
Yes, Catholic teaching still holds that cohabitation is “objectively and morally wrong.” That won’t be changing, despite what secular media may be saying. Often thought of and referred to as “the step before marriage,” the step of cohabitation can often be a damaging or even a fatal blow to a marriage even before it begins. Among the statistics and information to note about cohabitating couples, studies have shown that couples who cohabitate before marriage have a higher rate of divorce than those who do not.
Even back in 1999 the U.S. Bishops took note of the trend of cohabitating couples amongst Catholics preparing for marriage and wrote a document, Marriage Preparation and Cohabitating Couples, addressing this topic. It includes statistics of the time as well has how to address the topic pastorally. Of note, it does not say cohabitating couples should not be married, “Since cohabitation is not in itself a canonical impediment to marriage, the couple may not be refused marriage solely on the basis of cohabitation… Pastoral ministers can be assured that to assist couples in regularizing their situation is not to approve of cohabitation. (Part II, Section 5).” But instead, the document notes, that at times marriage can be delayed or postponed for additional catechesis of the couple.
Yes, even the U.S. Bishops believe that cohabitating couples should be married within the Catholic Church and brought back into full communion within our faith. They’ve been expressing this publicly for over 15 years.
So while media and society continue to think that what Pope Francis did is signaling a change in the Church, much of the perspective is coming from the outside looking in. It is seen from a perspective of a lack of understanding of what the Catholic Church is called to do and asks of us. We are called us to holiness and a life in Christ. The world needs more Catholic Christian witnesses of living lives of holiness in Christ. And Pope Francis and these couple are providing the Church and the world with this witness. And reminding us all that no matter what we think we may have done wrong, there’s always a way back to Christ and His Church.
Rita, when I was a pastor I remember getting real frustrated when stories of one kind or another were written about something I was doing or my church was doing. They never seemed to get it right. A dear mentor of mine heard my frustrations and sort of smiled and said “you know, if they are getting the word out there, and it doesn’t just slam you, good for them. You can sort it out later”.
What Pope Francis is doing is a wonderful reflection of the beauty, richness and inclusiveness of the Catholic Church that is already there as you say so well in your post. And it is so good that “media” is writing about it. If even one or two are led to either return to or join with the community of faith, it is a time to rejoice. Even if they think it is a change in Catholic teaching. It’ll get sorted out…
Thank God the word is getting out. Media and culture will not always understand correctly. That happens a lot. It still happens with me when I am talking about psychology as a therapist. I have mellowed on that a bit. I try to keep it simple and direct and then give it to God. Pope Francis does that so well as your post also attests. It ultimately still gets the good news of Jesus Christ out there and that is cause for rejoicing. Just another way of looking at it….Thanks for your words.
I just can’t shake the feeling that, no matter how loudly we *say* this doesn’t condone cohabitation, it *looks* exactly like that. We *say* cohabitation is a serious sin, but we *show* cohabiting couples with all the trappings of a big Catholic wedding, being married by their bishop, who also happens to be the pope.
What do you think about that message?
That forgiveness and community is more important a Christian value than judgement and condemnation. That is the message I get.
I do agree, Lindsay, that there needs to be a careful examination of the whys the couple is seeking marriage within the Catholic Church after cohabitation. Will they seek to live as faithful Catholics from then on, attending Mass, etc? The media doesn’t get the nuances of that. And while this celebration with the Pope was “big” (since he’s their bishop and the pope), most of those I know that have married after cohabitation have had small, simple weddings of family and parish community. Some of the couples even did their con validation vows together (like it was done with the Pope) with one large celebration together afterwards.
The secular media chooses to focus on what it wants to focus on when it comes to the Pope. Part of the great thing about this situation is that it gets people talking and saying “Hey, I didn’t know the Catholic Church would do that, maybe I should look into getting my marriage validated.”
Within the Diocese of Austin many parishes have been making an effort to validate civil marriages within the Church, but unless someone is already attending Mass, they probably don’t know it’s available. But this situation suddenly puts the possibility visibly out there for cohabitating couples. The secular media just like Catholic media definitely *should* be addressing and examining how the Catholic Church does not condone cohabitation. But will they? Probably not.
My husband and I didn’t cohabitate prior to marriage, and that blew the minds of many non-Catholics we know. We were trying to be a living example of Christ’s call to holiness. And were were able to explain to others why that’s not ideal in a positive, gentle and understanding way through our example. But there are so few examples of this nowadays.
And part of what is being done by Pope Francis is bringing people into holiness and closer to Christ in visible ways so that the rest of the world will also seek Christ and holiness. It’s the witness he’s providing of love and mercy and gentle correction. But it’s definitely a fine line he treads with these things at times, especially with how the secular media portrays it.
I agree, Rita. “Nuance” and “media” are two words that I would not think of at the same time very often. But it does get people to talking about it. I get the impression Pope Francis walks that fine line very intentionally. I could be wrong. That gets people talking, too. Which can lead to disagreements, of course. But it also can lead to bringing in the discussion folk who haven’t felt or been a part of it before. That is very important, as well. Given my experience, I would rather the media get it wrong than not talk about it at all. That is an arguable position to take, I realize. But I am so glad that you posted this.
That makes sense. In case it wasn’t clear, I am genuinely glad these couples “made things right,” so to speak. What a blessing to finally be in full union with Christ and the Church!
Mark mentioned forgiveness and community being displayed here. Love and justice are the virtues I’m looking for.
I hope more couples do seek out convalidations and annulments, and I hope that couples will keep *not* cohabiting. I still think there’s a real possibility that couples will be *more* presumptuous now, thinking that they can do what they want now and just “make things right” later.
That’s a real possibility, Lindsay. Is it worth the risk? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Maybe we can look to the teachings of Jesus for some guidance here and I will leave it at that. You bring up a healthy tension- love, justice, restoration to community (the community of faith) and forgiveness as a free and unearned gift from God. I don’t pretend to know the answers, but I am glad the dialogue exists.
I just came across post at Catholic Stand today that I think expresses the point I was trying to make in a much broader, more even-handed way.
http://catholicstand.com/marriage-bergoglio-approves-shacking/