A Writer’s White Flag Day

Suddenly realizing that hot dogs were on the menu by special request and our toddler was occupied, I thought I’d try to send out some writing samples while the house was relatively quiet.

We all know how difficult it is to maintain a train of thought and form a complete sentence with children around in general, so I’m not exactly sure why I thought this was a good idea. But I stubbornly persisted. Several times I stood up to redirect our 22 month old from rifling through cupboards and standing precariously on stools, and then I would sit back down to piece together my thoughts.

Shortly after that was when the miniature fall gourds started to be thrown at me from some undisclosed location. Stubbornly, I persisted, forcing words out of my fingers. But the breaking point was inevitable. I stood up again and calmly sat our toddler down with some books in his room. Defeatedly I finished my paragraph, picked up the place mats from the table that he had scattered on the floor, and broke down in to tears.

I proceeded into my litany of mumbling self pity/prayer….”why…..why….whhhyyyy!!! I never ask for anything for myself. All I want to do is write a few paragraphs that might help someone else! Why is it so hard? ” and I allowed myself to come completely unglued, a luxury I rarely afford myself.And softly as always, God’s patient wisdom answered me in silence. The way only He can hold a mirror to my face so that I can reveal the answer to my own questions. “Yes,” He said. “Why, why, why. So that you would come to Me. You can not do this on your own.”  I knew this to be true, and my sniveling was quieted. Only You can bless and multiply my efforts, my sweet Lord. Please forgive me for my foolishness and pride. I know I can do nothing good without You.I surrender to Your perfect wisdom. Let my words be Yours, and in Your time.

And thank goodness for miniature fall gourds.