For the last several months (years), I’ve struggled with finding peace in multiple areas of my life, at the same time. Maybe that’s my problem. I try to find too much peace, too many places and it’s just not possible.
Or maybe it is.
You see, I’m a control freak, OCD, Type A – whatever you choose to call it. In my world, I prefer for things to follow the plan. Unfortunately, God doesn’t seem to operate under the same management system. He prefers for us to follow His plan, but then He goes and gives us free will.
As the mom of five children, 12 and under, peace in my household comes in bite-size quantities. Here and there, whenever I can catch them. No matter the amount of children you have, finding peace is something in which we all struggle. During a recent homily, our priest said these words and for me and they hit my heart at just the right moment:
“When we lose our patience, we invite Satan in. Then, we lose control and the problem that was once so small, has now grown. It’s in those moments we need to invite God in and listen.”
Hence, the reason why I’ve been yelling Hail Mary’s. That’s right, I just blamed that on the priest.
I wish there was some fail-safe equation, one that if you just followed the steps, you would have greater peace. If it existed, whoever wrote it would be on an island in Tahiti enjoying a Mai Tai. I’m sure of it.
Instead, I’m learned that my journey toward peace is much like my journey toward sanctification. It doesn’t happen overnight and I’m going to hit peaks and valleys. God sometimes reveals himself to us in big ways, but more often I’ve seen him in the seemingly small details of my life.
There was peace this morning when I dropped the kids off for school. We were laughing about a recent Car Bingo game that had us all laughing.
There was peace as I drove through rush hour traffic, listening to songs on Mater Eucharistiae.
There was peace as I rocked my four-year-old to sleep this afternoon. He patted my arm and whispered, “you lay wif me for a minute, momma?”
There is peace as I type and hear the hum of the washing machine in the next room.
Family, prayer, relationships and gratitude. Those are all the ways God showed himself to me today. May I find peace in those moments so they may carry me through the not-so-peaceful ones. And, maybe, I can start saying Hail Mary’s instead of yelling them. A mom can hope.