The reason why you can’t hook a U-Haul to the Hearse – a lesson in detachment

This past weekend I found myself engrossed in a new {to me} show via Netflix streaming. I gave up t.v. for Lent 2010 and I never really went back full swing. I have always been intrigued by reality shows, so it was no shock that I took to a show like Hoarders.

All I can say is, “Wow. Just. Wow.” I don’t recall such a broad range of emotions while watching each episode. I don’t want to paint a picture that diminishes the very real medical issues that these people face, but I want to take time to examine it through a Catholic filter.

First things first. Let’s define hoarding to put things in perspective.

hoard·ing [hawr-ding, hohr-]

Pathological or compulsive hoarding is a specific type of behavior characterized by:

• acquiring and failing to throw out a large number of items that would appear to have little or no value to others (e.g., papers, notes, flyers, newspapers, clothes)
• severe cluttering of the person’s home so that it is no longer able to function as a viable living space
• significant distress or impairment of work or social life

I watched each episode, and even though it was only a snapshot of their lives as they dealt with hoarding and the underlying issues with the help of the therapist and organizers, part of me – the hopeless optimist – was rooting for a total 180 turn in behavior. I can’t help it. I like happy endings. Boy, oh boy, was that a rare treat in watching those turnaround cases! The episodes were usually based on an ultimatum of sorts – from family, friends, spouses, children, threat of children not returning to the home due to it being uninhabitable conditions. How could you not root for their happy ending?

Where does materialism fit into our lives? As Catholics, we should live our lives in constant vigilance. We need to carve out an awareness of where we are with our material belongings. There is nothing inherently wrong with having material items. It’s nearly impossible to live without some material belongings. It’s the spirit of the heart that ultimately matters. I remember hearing a wonderful priest, Father Jerome Fasano, once say that even the poor can have a stingy heart {very loosely paraphrased}. Being charitable has little, if anything, to do with money.

So, what does watching Hoarders or materialism in general have to do with being a good Catholic?

For me, it turned into an opportunity to purge a lot of things from the house. I went through problem areas and started tackling one room at a time. I’ve been “flying” with FlyLady since 2002 and over the years have gotten better at getting rid of things we don’t need. I think paper clutter, or “hot spots” as FlyLady calls it, will always be my arch nemesis, but I’ve created an awareness about it over the years. I can ignore it, like most people do. But there is a definite threshold that allows me to tackle it and get rid of it. The real lesson in detachment happened when we moved from Virginia to Texas back in 2004. Our safe did not arrive with us. It was presumed stolen. It was the fact that there were irreplaceable items in the safe that made it a tough lesson in detachment. A knife that once belonged to my husband’s deceased grandfather, stolen. His high school and college graduation rings. The lazo used at our wedding. All stolen. Things that, yes, could be replaced, but why bother? The meaning and sentiment was invaluable. It was a tough lesson, indeed. Until my mother-in-law made a comment completely unrelated to our safe being stolen. She said very casually about something ‘oh well, you can’t take it with you when you die.’

VOILA! The magic words. You CAN’T take it with you when you die! Who cares what kind of stuff I have? It doesn’t matter in the end, anyway. And I started to view my belongings with care, but not with the same kind of ownership I once held. Put in the proper perspective, it has become easy for me to let go of things.

I do still feel anxiety when I initially drive away from the St. Vincent de Paul store. Did I really need to give all of that away? Can I live without it? In fact, today I dropped off almost an entire car full of stuff at the thrift store and left one item in the car because there was a drawer I had neglected to look through. I share that because if it is hard for you to let go of things, understand that much like anything else in life, it is a process.

If you feel like your things own you, take a moment to evaluate where you are and what might be the driving force behind that. Even if you can’t tackle it all in one sitting, that’s ok. The goal is to first create an awareness and take baby steps towards getting things in order. When we free ourselves from the hold that materialism takes on us, we open ourselves up to God’s will for us.

Let me issue a challenge for all who want an exercise in social justice {and even if you don’t, try it anyway!}

1. Look around and see how much stuff you have. Think of the countless many who do not have enough food to eat, shelter to keep them out of the elements, or clothing to wear!
2. Grab 1-2 kitchen trash bags. Or if you’re feeling feisty, grab a lawn bag.
3. Pick one area of your house that could use some work {i.e. kitchen – excess in dishes, pots, pans, plastic containers, food; closets – clothing that doesn’t fit or excess you don’t have to have; garage – whatever your garage has that you don’t use, etc.}
4. Make three piles – trash, donate, keep .
5. Move fast through your piles. If you can’t make an immediate decision, come back to it later.
6. Load up the car and DONATE those items.

If you frequent Salvation Army and Goodwill, let me suggest a Catholic alternative. Try the St. Vincent de Paul Store. You get all the satisfaction of getting rid of stuff and the added benefit of giving to a Catholic cause. Try it. You’ll like it! Be sure to come back and post how you did with this challenge. I’ll look forward to hearing your stories!