My husband and I have been married for over 3 years now. I’ve learned that marriage contributes to our personal salvation through its call to service.
Two other sacraments, Holy Orders and Matrimony, are directed towards the salvation of others; if they contribute as well to personal salvation, it is through service to others that they do so. They confer a particular mission in the Church and serve to build up the People of God.
CCC #1534
That is where children come in right?
Many marriages are called to have children right away. Although there are a number of reasons why a couple might not have children, whether it is because of infertility, health issues, financial burdens, or other reasons discerned by the couple. For some couples its temporary, but for others it’s permanent.
Struggles of a Childless Marriage
For us, it is a constant struggle to fight the selfishness to serve your own needs as a couple. It’s easy to become selfish as DINKS (Dual Income No Kids), even if we’re not living it up.
Another one of our struggles is to keep from feeling lost as a couple. Finding a ministry that we truly enjoy in our parish community, we have found a sense of belonging and the presence of God in our marriage.
Another cross is fighting judgments from others that assume we use contraception as well as assumptions of selfishness, like not “wanting” children. These insecurities must be quickly offered to God, because He is the one, true judge.
Whatever the challenge may be, it is not our burden to carry alone as a couple. God is there, and even if it’s difficult, we have to trust His plan.
What is the Calling of a Couple Without Kids?
With kids, marriage is a calling to create and raise more Catholics. Without kids we are being called to grow the Church in other ways. Our focus must be on evangelization and ministry to help bring others closer to Christ, like a parent would want to bring their child to the faith. This could be expressed through a variety of ways to help bring Jesus to others.
Some examples, are helping kids in Religious Education, helping the elderly that have no one to visit them, prison ministry or assisting in teen/adult formation.
Without biological children, it is possible to have spiritually adopted children through those you serve. Then if it is God’s call, there is also the option of adoption.
The Church needs the married couples without children to give and show others that it is possible to remain faithful in marriage, to be true witnesses. The world needs examples of what marriage truly is as a total gift of self, living out fidelity to the vows, and always open to new ways of being fruitful.
Please join me in prayer for the strengthening of the vocation of marriage. The world needs stronger marriages.
Here are some ways to help decrease selfishness in a marriage for all couples.
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Serve your spouse in some way every day.
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Share something with your spouse every day.
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Commit to serving the church deliberately.
I made a decision early on in my marriage to never try to have children simply for the sake of making some pro-life political message or to prove to other Catholics than we’re not using contraception. It’s ultimately none of their business. Like you said, our faith should inspire us to serve in whatever form our family currently is in.
I hope you are not implying that those who have children do it for that reason.
No
Thanks for this, Cristina.
So many church activities revolve around children, which is okay with me and probably appropriate, but adults without kids are out of place. Furthermore, so many conversations at church events among adults revolve around kids. You often run into women at these events who can’t go five minutes without mentioning their kids. Nothing against children, but parenthood is not primarily what Christianity is about, even if Church life makes it seem that way.
Childless adults are still valuable members of society and make many contributions, as you have pointed out.
Also, kudos for listing Meteorology as an interest in your on-line bio. A refreshing change from the bloggers whose bios list how many children they have.
Thanks! Now you know if I bring up weather in a conversation. It’s usually because I am enjoying the conversation with the person to share my passion with, not because I have nothing else to say… 😀
This is a beautiful and humbling reminder, thank you for being so honest.
Thank you for addressing this. Especially now, there are more and more young couples who are getting married and are not having children right away. As one of those couples, my husband and I get asked constantly why we don’t want children or when we will be having kids. While for us it is not about infertility, we are very open to having children and will welcome them when they come. We have chosen to use the resources available to us through the Church to help us plan our family and understand that God will make the ultimate decision.
Thank you for your honesty!
Are there any groups in the ATX area that are focused on couples like this? My husband and I are newly married and since I’m currently unemployed and he’s a grad student we’ve decided to wait until we’re more financially stable position to have children. But while he’s found community with the other Catholic Grad students, I feel like I’m in an awkward position where I’m not a new mom, I’m not a young professional, and I’m not a student and finding someone to relate to is difficult.
Welcome to marriage crowd! Unfortunately there aren’t any groups that are focused on this mission in the area. If you would be up for meeting sometime, I’d be happy up meet you.