First things first: I apologize for my extended hiatus from posting blogs. Let’s just say a lot of very significant and life-changing things happened to me one after another.
Second things second: I’d like to return to my regularly scheduled programming by speaking about a rather snaggly issue in our state/country/world at the moment: gay marriage. You can’t possibly have missed the whole debate about whether homosexuals should be allowed to marry each other unless you’ve been living for years in a cardboard box in the northern Alaskan wilderness, eating ptarmigans and wishing someone would come and inform you whether Bill Clinton ended up winning the presidential race after all. (Side note to my northern Alaskan readers: He did.)
Behind the times, are we?
Brace yourselves, for I am about to make a statement that should not, repeat, NOT be misunderstood or taken out of context: I support equal rights for gays and straights alike. Gay people have just as much of a right to get married as straight people do.
Now before anyone says anything about anything, let me explain to you how you already agree with me. The key to this statement, and in fact the whole argument over gay marriage, is that the focus of the issue has been deftly manipulated to center on the wrong question. The question is not whether gays should have the same rights as straight people. Of course they should. They are people too, and nothing about them innately makes them lesser, second-class beings (CCC #2358). The real question that nobody is asking is: Do straight people actually have the right to get married?
The answer is, in point of fact, no. We do not. We don’t have the right to get married, nor could we even consider marriage a privilege, lest we be inclined to boast of our privileged status over homosexuals. No, marriage is neither a right nor a privilege – it is a calling. A vocation.
God has a specific plan for you. If He is calling you to marriage, then He has a specific person in mind for you to marry, and a specific life He wants you to live, and specific children He wishes you to raise. He knows the choices you will make in advance, and so He plans accordingly, with complete love for you and respect for your free will and choice in the matter. When you choose the person you wish to marry, remember that God knew far in advance whom you would choose, and He was the one who brought you together so that you would even know you wished to choose them.
He called you to that life of love. The same goes for priests, nuns, and other celibate religious – if you are called to some form of consecrated celibate life, it’s because God wanted you there, not because you had the right to be there. He MADE you for that purpose. That is the place where you will be most happy, and most able to use all of your gifts and talents, like a hammer that suddenly finds out its purpose in life is driving in nails.
Or a dog who finally discovers the joys of Beggin’ Strips.
There is no sense in denying this or trying to change it – not because you can’t change it, but because it would be stupid to do so. Why would you rebel against the very purpose for which you were made (Rom 9:20)? Why would you rebel against your own happiness and fulfillment? This is the question we must ask to anyone who tries to take charge of their own life, to put themselves and their wishes above God, whether they are attempting to choose married life when they are called to celibacy, to choose celibacy when they are called to married life, or to choose to marry one person whom they fancy when they are called to another.
If marriage is a calling, a vocation, then we heterosexual folk don’t have any intrinsic right to it, any more than the millions of people who buy tickets have a right to win the lottery. Marriage is a Sacrament, and part of the nature of any Sacrament is that it is not something that we do, but rather something that God does, in which we are allowed to take part and participate.
When we celebrate the Sacrament of the Eucharist in Mass, God is the one who transubstantiates the hosts, not the priest. Priests do not say a magical incantation that makes God bend to their will, but rather, God bends the words and hands of the priest to His own will. Priests do not have the right to consecrate the Eucharist, nor do they have the privilege – they have the calling to do so.
It’s the same way with marriage. The ministers of the Sacrament of Marriage are the spouses, but their vows do not force God to recognize their marriage; instead, God brings them face-to-face with the knowledge that He has made them to be together until death. The husband and wife do not have the right to get married, nor do they have the privilege – they have the calling to do so.
The debate in our country regarding gay marriage has been over the wrong issue the entire time. No one should be questioning whether gays should have the same rights as straights. Of course they should. But if marriage is in fact what we Catholics say it is – a vocation and a Sacrament – then straight people don’t have any more right to it than gays do. It is the business of God, not of man, to make these kinds of decisions (Job 40:1-14). I certainly don’t have the right to marry anyone, and I for one am quite glad that such a decision does not rest in my hands, as I have quite the track record of making bad decisions thus far. I will rejoice in whatever vocation God ultimately has for me, because I know He has my best interests at heart.
I therefore stand by my statement – that gays should have just as much right to marry as straight people do – but I take strong issue with the idea that a straight person such as myself should have the “right to marriage.” Heterosexual marriage may have a legally recognized status for whatever silly reasons our government or voting populace may give, but as we have seen, legislation and human judication does not equal actual truth, and the so-called “right to marriage,” in actuality, does not exist for either hetero- OR homosexuals.
Let the flaming in the combox commence.
EDIT (12/17): It appears that my intent in this post may have been unclear. Let me clarify, then: Gay marriage is impossible. It is a non-thing, like a square triangle or a rock so big God can’t lift it. Marriage is a calling from God, and God never, NEVER calls two same-sex people to marry one another. Neither the Church nor the government can rightfully declare gay marriage to be valid, because it is not. My point was not to deny Church teaching, but rather to deflate the arrogance of the heterosexual position. I apologize for any lack of clarity on that issue in this post.
Further Reading
Everyone has a Right to… : Homosexuality & the Catholic Church
Well, where to begin. It seems as if you’re suggesting not only that gay marriage should be legal but also that the Church should marry same sex couples? Because if they feel called, then who are we to deny. This premise must also admit polyamory, polygamy, women priests, and really anything anyone says they feel called to. Maybe you should give your premise a little more thought.
The key is in the notion of calling bound up in God – God only calls us where we will be most fulfilled, most ourselves, and yes, most happy (sacrifices and pain of course being part and parcel to true joy) – so God can not call you to polyamory, because
The key is in the notion of calling – a calling bound up in God – God only calls us where we will be most fulfilled, most ourselves, and yes, most happy (sacrifices and pain of course being part and parcel to true joy) – so God cannot call you to polyamory, etc, because that would be against you becoming His most fulfilled child of God. “Feeling called” is not really a feeling at all, and it certainly isn’t some knee-jerk rationalization for doing whatever I want, it is an inner state of being that comes from deep self-knowledge. That being said, however, I think a question that not enough people are talking about is this: How is someone with same sex attraction called to vocation? Because of course they are called. Every single child of God has a vocation. This is not really a question we can answer for anyone else (the community’s support is helpful and necessary in right discernment but in the end each person is accountable to God in solitude to understand their purpose in life), but it might instill more respect in this national dialogue if we looked at it from this more positive side.
I like this post very much– It put words to something I felt and knew, but did not know how to express. Now, if someone asks me about this topic I can answer confidently that marriage is not a right, but a calling for life.
“Heterosexual marriage may have a legally recognized status for whatever silly reasons our government or voting populace may give…”
Or how about the silly reasons our church gives? Marriage is tied up in the law in innumerable ways because it changes property rights, because children flow from the union, because it is a public good. I suggest to you in all charity to actually read what the church has to say about this issue. To read what thoughtful Catholics have written about it. Catholics have a duty to form their consciences properly, to think with the church, the mind of Christ, and I say – not with any malice but only with the concern of a brother – that it is apparent your conscience is not well formed on this subject.
I think you may be reading this post wrong. That very quote you selected shows his mistrust in our government for thinking they can re-write the laws of marriage. He is showing that we are all equally created with dignity all children of God. Therefore we have to follow all the same rules of chastity and obedience. We do not have the write to change nature or marriage, and the Church is right to say so. David even makes his defense based on nature.
Cristobal is correct. My intent was to communicate that the government cannot legislate truth. The fact that marriage HAS a legally recognized status in our country does not mean that the legal system gets to define what marriage is. Human law cannot negate Nature – it can only deny it in vain. Perhaps my wording in communicating that was not adequate. I apologize for that.
Hey David, it would be interesting to hear what you think about this issue from the standpoint of natural law– for someone who is not Christian, for example, does the argument still hold? We can know through Faith that God calls us to marriage, but what about for someone who has never heard the Gospel (talking about your average parisian, not the indians in the Amazon)? Could we still maintain that he has “no right” to marriage? It is Man’s nature to live in a committed relationship of love with someone of the opposite sex…now if something belongs to your nature it is your due, right? Therefore on the level of human justice, wouldn’t it be his right, and perhaps even duty, to marry?
David, I think you’re setting up a false dichotomy here between marriage as a natural inclination of man (what you’re calling “a right”) and marriage as the fulfillment of a vocation to the Sacrament of Matrimony with a particular person. Why can’t marriage be *both* a natural right *and* a vocation? The Church recognizes as valid the marriages of non-Catholic Christians and even non-Christians because there is a natural inclination to form spousal partnerships. God gave us that inclination when he gave us our nature, and Christ raised it to the dignity of a sacrament, but even those without the sacrament can have natural, valid marriages. Baptized Catholics must follow the Church’s rules in order to have a valid marriage (or any other valid sacraments), but other relationships that people call marriage can be valid as long as they fit the definition of marriage (by being free, total, faithful, and fruitful—you know that). Whether something is a *legal* right, by secular or canon law, does not necessarily depend on its natural rightness.
I think your argument is that the nature or definition of marriage is what prevents two people of the same sex from marrying, not that people do not have a right to marriage.
So glad you clarified your purpose in writing this article. As the mother of a daughter who is living as a lesbian, I couldn’t agree with you more. I have no problem with civil unions, but to say “marriage” just does not compute! We are so bogged down in political correctness and making everyone feel good about themselves, we have forgotten the basics. God bless you!
No lack of clarity here. I appreciate your cleverness, too. I never thought of that. 🙂 There are perks to ADD. Thinking out of the box is one of them. Very creative and challenging in the right way. Thanks. 🙂