Parenting the Popular Kid

Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we all want to be popular. Well, popular in the sense that all of us want to be loved, recognized, accepted and appreciated.

Our oldest son began middle school this year and it has been a {ahem} transition. Yes, there are glimpses of a little boy left inside. Selfishly, I pray those are always there. And, yes, there are glimpses of a middle school boy trying to find his way as he grows into a young man.

Last weekend at Mass, we spotted one of our favorite teenagers home from college on Christmas break. Both my boys lit up when they saw him. He is the epitome of a well-rounded, faithful young man. He cantors and his love of the Mass is evident. He attends a private Christian college and his faith is undeniable. He is polite, gracious and funny; his parents have formed him well.

During that hour-long Mass, I found myself asking this question: How do I navigate the somewhat murky waters of the tween years, giving my son wings to fly but a life vest to preserve his morality? My goodness, if I could figure that out, I’d be interviewed by Oprah, wouldn’t I?

Then, I looked around that crowded place and saw a room full of parents who are doing just that. They are taking the parenting years one day, one month, one year at a time. They’re reaching out to other parents in the trenches, seeking advice. They’re reading books. They’re talking to their spouses. They’e modeling the behavior they hope will take root in their children. They’re getting down on their knees asking for guidance and wisdom.

I tell my oldest son all the time, “Sorry you have to be the guinea pig, honey. We’re new at this, too.” He will always be our first. The first one to attend a middle school dance. Ask a girl out on a date. Fill out a college application. Find his first job.

But, God is not new at this. I am, but He provides some great answers. As we move into the final days of the Advent season, I pray the birth of the newborn King inspires us all to value the lives of our children and to relish, rather than lament, our role as parents.

Today’s Advent challenge? Write a short note to your child, praising him for an attribute you admire and place it on his pillow tonight. Let him know he’s loved, recognized, accepted and appreciated, not only by you, but by the newborn King!