Anthropologie "retro" swimwear
“Moooommmm. WHY do we have to wear a coverup with our swimsuit?” my oldest daughter whined. “Because, sweetheart, it’s what girls do,” I replied. But is it really what girls do? Do girls and women really know how to be modest? Do they know how to feel beautiful without adding sexy into the mix? I’ll be honest, it’s not really a thought that entered my mind until I had two girls. And, as the summer season is upon us, the reality of raising my girls to be modest has moved up the priority list.
Taking it a step further, I really hadn’t given much, if any, thought to the whole “Is it okay to wear a bikini?” question until I read two articles from Catholic women I greatly admire: Jackie Francois over at Life Teen and Lisa Schmidt at The Practicing Catholic. Add to the mix, a Facebook post of a friend clad in a low-cut, revealing bikini. I decided it was time to give this one to prayer and see what happened.
Just how much skin is too much? How early should we begin teaching our girls the lessons of modesty? And, I am just being a complete prude when it comes to the whole swimsuit thing?
How much is too much? I’m reminded of a beautiful quote from a Dominican Sister. During theology class she mentioned to her middle school girls, “Don’t wear anything that invites someone else to sin.” Those cute shorts with the writing on backside, yeah, too much. Wearing your bikini top with shorts, but without a coverup into Target, yeah, probably too much. There is one scripture, in particular, that comes to mind:
Avoid immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the immoral person sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body. – 1 Cor. 6:18-20.
Wow. When put that way, it makes you rethink everything you wear. I might just be posting that on a sticky note in my girls’ bathroom in a few years.
How early does modesty begin? I say, it’s never too early. I’ve insisted my girls wear coverups since birth and that we buy swimsuits that help my girls develop a healthy body image. It probably has much to do with a mom who’s pretty modest herself. Childbirth and the entourage of people in the labor and delivery room was a huge leap for me! During a car outing several years ago, my oldest son (eight at the time) asked why we didn’t eat at Hooters. Quite the discussion ensued. Ultimately, I ended the conversation with, “If it isn’t something that glorifies God, then you probably shouldn’t wear it.” It was at that point he made this declaration: “One day, when I am President, I will shut down all the Hooters.”
Am I just old-fashioned? Perhaps. But, I believe there are some parts of a woman’s body that should only be seen by God and her husband. I pray my girls see their bodies as a gift, not an object to be flaunted. That they are valued for their brains, not their chest size. That they come to see the magnificence of the creation, rather than as a way to seduce a man.
So, to bikini or not? What do you think?
I do not buy a bikini for my 4.5 year old. Right now she has a rashguard top with normal bathing suit bottoms. If I could find a two piece tankini that covers her belly, I would by that. But for now its a rashguard top. Its never too early to teach modesty.
When I think of babies/children in bikinis, I am wondering what pedophiles are around watching…I don’t care how cute bikinis are on little ones it is a big no no around here…
Teens have to learn modesty…there are plenty of bikinis that can cover them up well. They just have to know where to look and what is appropriate.
Same thing for grown women…someone could be too revealing in a one piece and more modest in a bikini…concerning myself, I just wish I could fit into a bikini at some point again! 🙂
When my kids ask, “Mommy, why is that woman wearing a shirt that show her breasts?” I tell them that her mother probably didn’t tell her about being modest. And they say, “Oh, we should tell people about modesty then.”
Lastly, remember temptation/flirtation isn’t only the way we dress but the way we act as well.
I too lean toward the modest side with my girls. My challenge this year for my oldest has been finding a one piece that is still modest but also fits her tall body and her very skinny frame without compromising even more of her modesty. But we did finally find one!!
I fully expect that at 16 she will hate me for not allowing her to wear a bikini (because I vividly remember feeling that way about my parents not allowing me to wear one at that age) but the respect she’ll gain from not flaunting all she has is worth so much more than her being temporarily upset that she has a prude for a mom! 🙂
I don’t have girls (right now), but I know that I would’ve rather seen my sister choose different attire for my niece when she was younger and even now as she approaches her teen years. Good post.
Thanks for the feedback everybody. I’d love to hear a dad weigh in on the topic. Wonder how a dad would feel about boys looking at his daughter in a bikini?
I just had the opportunity to share with some of my friends why I, personally, dislike bikinis. Here goes the (slightly edited) version of what I said:
“1) Very few girls can pull off wearing a bikini.
2) Those that can are probably supermodels.
3) Bikinis often seem to cover less than lingerie.
4) Making you look sexy and/or hot. I hate those words. They make me think of pure animalistic desire, which disregards the dignity of the individual, reducing them to objects. I find it hard to separate those words in my mind with the word “rape.”
5) As a guy, it is a PAIN-IN-THE-BUTT not to lust. Please do us a favor and make it a bit easier.
6) I’d rather look at your beautiful face then your chest. (Although ALL of the body God gave you is amazing and beautiful, drawing attention to your chest instead of your face is NOT going to attract prime husband material.)
7) Since real-time airbrushing doesn’t exist, bikinis reveal every little “flaw.”
8) The right swimsuit (one-piece, tankini, or otherwise) can be VERY flattering.
9) And (gosh darnit!) God in His infinite genius made girls naturally svelte (<– vocab word! :P)
10) I think #9 is a good thing, and a modest swimsuit (unlike a bikini. See #7) helps accent it. Of course, lust is still a possibility, but I find that a modest swimsuit makes it less so, while enhancing the beauty of a woman's natural body.
In conclusion: a modest swimsuit reveals a girl's God-given beauty, making her into a stunningly gorgeous woman deserving of awe, respect, and love as a daughter of God. And if that isn't the one of the most breathtaking ways it is possible to encounter God's creation, I don't know what is. Modest is NOT hottest. It is fantastically, gloriously, breathtakingly beautiful, which is even better. And that, my friends, is absolutely AWESOME. 'nuff said."
I'm done talking now.
Sincerely,
An 18 year-old male member of the human race.
As a father of two girls I’m strongly in the no bikini camp. I’m actually pretty happy with Disney this season. They’ve put out some very modest swim suits and it’s all Disney all the time over here. It hasn’t been so in the past.
I love this perspective. It really brings thing into light. Like Guest said “Very few girls can pull off wearing a bikini” and that is SO TRUE!! I’m not one of them and I’m smart enough not to try and fit into something that just doesn’t look right on me. I think that goes with the whole modesty thing wearing clothing that work with your body shape. I can remember soo many girls in high school who were “fluffy” trying to wear clothes made for “models.”
I love and hope your son does shut down all the hooters someday!! Kids say the darnest thing 🙂
I think it depends on the person in question (body type, etc)and the style of bikini. Is it a tankini style, with bottoms and a longer top? A triangle one? How much belly does it show? What is the style? That said, I buy two pieces for my DD because it is easier to use the bathroom in them. I have been able to find surf shirts and bottoms at The Children’s Place and cute, little girl suits at Gymboree. My BIG challenge is finding suits that are not blue or green! (Blue and green blend in with the bottom of the pool too much.)
I actually have more issues with people who insist on wearing heavy swim dresses… that’s a safety problem and I know VERY few people who can swim well in them. As a former lifeguard and WSI, it makes me nervous!
“Do they know how to feel beautiful without adding sexy into the mix?”
And there is the problem in a nutshell. C.S. Lewis wrote, in his “The Four Loves,” that when we make a thing, even (especially!) a noble thing such as love, into god, then it becomes a demon. In our modern culture, we have elevated “love” to the status of being a god; but we have also largely forgotten what love is, so that we think that romance–or, far too frequently, lust–is love. We sometimes make the mistake of saying that lust is the same as love, or the same as eros; and often make the mistake of assuming that lust is at least a part of eros. It’s not; lust is antithetical to love, even to eros.
One consequence of this mistake, this conflation of love and lust, is that we also begin to conflate “beautiful” or even simply “pretty” with “sexy” or (worse) “hot.” Sexy, of course, actually does have a place, a proper place, which is within the bounds of marriage. “Sexy” is, after all, a sort of preparation for “sex,” a sort of foreplay; but foreplay is meant to lead to sexual intercourse, and “sexy” might in turn be that which is meant to lead to foreplay.
Beauty, on the other hand, is something which is entirely removed from the realm of sex, though not of love. Beauty is the synthesis of the other transcendentals–perhaps best summarized by “the goodness of truth.” Now, when a person dresses as “sexy” for anybody who is not her husband, she is in essence telling a lie by her dress, and is furthermore tempting (or risks tempting) the men around her to lust. In this context, “sexy” points to lusts and lies, not goodness and truth. Ergo, I think that modesty is not only good, but also beautiful, and also reveals something of the truth.