I Will Be With You

“I will be with you.”

We read this in the Great Commission, in Isaiah, and other places. It is true because it is God who says it to us. However, we can neglect to hear or listen to this. Ask yourself why. Why is it someone would reject this truth? In Isaiah 43, it’s in the context of passing through waters, through rivers, through fires. It is in this context that God speaks through the prophet and says, “I will be with you.”

Considering the circumstances, it seems a little more plausible that one of us, or the entire people of Israel, would be hesitant to believe this word which is meant to console and strengthen. One may ask, “how will you be with me,” “to what degree will you prevent my drowning,” “will you let me hit rock bottom and then appear?” Here are the first two verses of Isaiah 43:

But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.”

Here are some words written in meditation form. The meditation is not meant to give a short and easy answer to hard questions, but intended to show that it can be okay to experience humanity, to be honest and open with God and (hopefully also) a good friend about your own interior life:

“Through what waters must I pass, O Lord? What waters? I want no more of this. Have I not lost enough? Have I not given enough? May I not learn how to rest, to enjoy creation, to receive the gifts that you have desired to give? I don’t know. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to stay. I am alive. All I know is how to live, to maintain my physical health.”

Pause. Can you see the temptation to despair going on? The writer recognizes a broad spectrum of self-sacrifice. However, it seems that this self-sacrifice has not been directed to or offered to God, at least from the way the text reads. Notice much has been given and much has been lost. But, did you catch to whom the sacrifice was offered or for whose sake the loss was suffered? I don’t mean to invalidate the person’s interior life, but we must pay attention to what we say, to what we write, to what we intend. This slow and introspective examination can profit one for the health (and therefore holiness) of one’s soul… and entire life.

Return to the scripture passage. Read it again. Look, the water and the fire are spoken of within the context of God’s redeeming love, within his fatherhood. Yes, we must be honest, for what is hidden will be made manifest and lade bare to him who knows us. For anything hidden is meant to be revealed. We must also remember that as we ‘soul search’ and wrestle with God, we are wrestling with God. That means: this struggle is not with something real but Someone real, with Someone who is so intimate with your own person that it could be scary to encounter this someone.

Think about it, if I direct my frustration or sacrifice to the open air, I feel justified and deserving of repayment. If I direct my self and all that’s going on inside at Him, at He in whom all things hold together… things change. Therefore we must return to the scripture passage, to the source or spark of this interior conversation.

Again, the water and fire are spoken of in what context? Within his creative love, from his desire to call us out of slavery into freedom. Will there be tension or struggle or stress in change, in an exodus? Yes! When your mind and heart and soul “go into the deep” and start praying like David (Psalm 77 in particular), remember from where you came. Remember with whom it is you are conversing. Be present to the fact that you are praying with scripture, or reading a book, or laying bare your life in Confession or Adoration, or…

God: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you…”
Me: “Have I not given enough?”
God: “Be at rest, my child.”
Me: “I want no more of this.”
God: “I will be with you…”

If- no, not if- when you or I encounter a hard or ugly or hurtful moment, go for it. Exercise that freedom for which you have been redeemed. Always remember therefore that this encounter, beautiful or ugly, must always be ordered. In the few lines above I wrote what the meditation might have read like if it was a dialogue. Who was the other person in the conversation? God, the Holy One of Israel our Savior.

Who are we sons and daughters of? What power does our faith have? (One answer is in 1 John 5:4). If this is weird or foreign, pray with Psalm 77. Do you know how raw and honest (and maybe even scary) it is? What was David thinking? Ah yes, but were his thoughts and prayers directed to the open air? Was his conflict resolved? Could he carry away something worthwhile or hope-filled from that encounter? If you have all the time in the world, add the entirety of Isaiah 43 to your prayer. See what happens.

If nothing else, remember this:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters I will be with you…