{"id":6974,"date":"2011-11-09T10:45:00","date_gmt":"2011-11-09T16:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.austincnm.com\/?p=6974"},"modified":"2011-11-10T09:31:43","modified_gmt":"2011-11-10T15:31:43","slug":"is-your-marriage-for-72-days-or-72-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2011\/11\/is-your-marriage-for-72-days-or-72-years\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Your Marriage for 72 Days or 72 Years?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Let me first say I am no marriage counselor, nor do I have the world’s best marriage.\u00a0 I do love my husband like crazy and I think we have a good thing going.\u00a0 That’s really where this is coming from…my heart.\u00a0 This year, we celebrated 15 years of marriage and I feel like we are a better couple – better people, in general – than we were fifteen years ago.\u00a0 That’s a good thing.\u00a0 Trending upward.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As I read last week about the 72-day marriage of the Hollywood Couple Who Shall Not Be Named, it made me think two things:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 When will Hollywood ever learn?\u00a0 That zip code cannot sustain a marriage.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 When did marriage become something we just throw away?\u00a0 Eh, it didn’t work out so after 72 days we’re going to call it quits.\u00a0 It’s hard.\u00a0 Thanks for the newsflash, sister.\u00a0 Any couple who’s been married for any length of time can tell you that.\u00a0 Even “awesome” marriages have to work at it.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Oh, and it made me think that I have to work that much harder to ensure my children see a healthy, happy marriage.\u00a0 We repeat what we know and I want them to know love.<\/p>\n

In light of all that, here’s this week’s…<\/p>\n

TOP TEN:\u00a0 MAKING MARRIAGE WORK<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 Thank your spouse for the little things. <\/strong> Did your husband take out the trash?\u00a0 Tell him thanks, and mean it.\u00a0 Did he fill up your van while he was out running errands?\u00a0 Did your wife cook dinner, fold and put up the laundry, take care of sick little people all day?\u00a0 Give her a hug and kiss and say “thanks.”\u00a0 My husband is famous for saying, “A grateful heart silences a complaining voice.”\u00a0 One night, I was exhausted and Scott knew it.\u00a0 He silently picked up the keys, gave me a peck on the cheek and headed to the grocery store.\u00a0 Over an hour later he returned and what did I do?\u00a0 Complained about the kind of bread he got.\u00a0 Then, I scowled at the fruit.\u00a0 Where were the strawberries?\u00a0 Didn’t he know the kids like those more than grapes?\u00a0 He sat dejected on the couch and said, “I was just trying to help.”\u00a0 Ouch.\u00a0 I’ve never made that mistake again.\u00a0 I wasn’t seeing the act of gratitude, I was focused on how I *thought* I could do it better.\u00a0 Shame on me.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 In line with that first tip, look around and see what little things you can do to help your spouse. <\/strong> Scott arrived home early from work one day and had swung by Sonic during happy hour to buy me a vanilla DP.\u00a0 He knows it’s my favorite.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Make a consistent date for date night.<\/strong>\u00a0 Our day is typically Thursday – no cell phones, no computers, no work.\u00a0 Occasionally, we spring for a sitter, but most Thursdays we just hang on the couch.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 Put your kids to bed at a decent hour so you have a moment to reconnect. <\/strong> I recognize that our stage of life, with five children ages 10 and under, we can still get away with getting everyone in bed by 7:30.\u00a0 Our 10-year-old is starting to get closer to an 8pm bedtime, but that still gives us a couple of hours to reconnect.\u00a0 The after school activities are usually done by 7pm so our evenings are still our own.\u00a0 I know that will change, but parenthood is about being flexible with the season.\u00a0 I have a feeling, very soon, our moments to reconnect will be at 5:30 in the am!<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 Don’t keep score. <\/strong> It is a bad math habit to get into and it will destroy your marriage, bit by bit.\u00a0 If a spouse is constantly withdrawing from the marital emotional bank account, sit down and hash it out.\u00a0 If you have to, seek professional counseling and speak honestly with one another.\u00a0 There is nothing shameful about seeking professional help.\u00a0 I proudly say my husband and I have done it and I’m sure will do it again.<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0 Refrain from male-bashing with your girlfriends. <\/strong> Nothing can chip away at a marriage quicker than degrading your husband in a public setting.\u00a0 That animosity just builds and when you return home, you’re resentful rather than grateful.\u00a0 Trust me on this one.\u00a0 I used to do it and everytime I came home, I felt horrible.\u00a0 Scott really wasn’t that bad, but in order to fit in, I found myself exaggerating his actions.\u00a0 Soooo unhealthy.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0 Find something to do together that you both love. <\/strong> During Lent his year, Scott started working out on a regular basis.\u00a0 I was inspired, so a few months later I started doing the same thing.\u00a0 We’ve been encouraging each other, keeping the other accountable.\u00a0 Our plan is to start training for the Austin Cap 10K this spring.\u00a0 It’s been awesome.<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0 Surround yourself with better skiers. <\/strong> My mom used to tell me when I was learning to snow ski, to ski with those that were better than I was.\u00a0 It was the only way I was going to improve.\u00a0 I would be challenged.\u00a0 She was right.\u00a0 In marriage, what kinds of couples do you surround yourself with on a regular basis?\u00a0 Are they faithful?\u00a0 Do they view God as key to their marriage?\u00a0 Do they inspire you to be a better wife, mother and person?<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0 Pray together.<\/strong>\u00a0 I’ll admit, during the early years of our marriage this was so much easier to do.\u00a0 We had so much time and we didn’t even know it!\u00a0 Through prayer, you experience spiritual intimacy.\u00a0 You can call me out on this, but I daresay it’s much more of a vulnerable position than physical intimacy.\u00a0 You’re laying your innermost thoughts, fears and feelings on the table.\u00a0 The best marriages, I’ve learned, work toward experiencing physical, spiritual and emotional intimacy on a daily basis.<\/p>\n

10.\u00a0 Get involved in a ministry (or more) at your parish. <\/strong> Some of the ministries we do independently, lector, VBS, Eucharistic minister.\u00a0 Some, we do together.\u00a0 Both are important.\u00a0 In my case, being around other mothers during VBS feeds my need to be inspired by awesome moms.\u00a0 Our work with engaged couples inspires us to be open and honest with each other.<\/p>\n

I have no doubt you might have even more tips, more life experience, in sharing what makes your marriage work…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Let me first say I am no marriage counselor, nor do I have the world’s best marriage.\u00a0 I do love my husband like crazy and I think we have a good thing going.\u00a0 That’s really where this is coming from…my heart.\u00a0 This year, we celebrated 15 years of marriage and I feel like we are… [Read More]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[349,81,177,309,348],"class_list":["post-6974","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-blog","tag-kim-kardashian","tag-marriage","tag-sacrament","tag-tv","tag-vocation","entry","has-post-thumbnail"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":140758,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2015\/08\/marriage-advice-singles-scott-stanley-lower-risk-of-divorce\/","url_meta":{"origin":6974,"position":0},"title":"Marriage Advice for Singles: Scott Stanley on How to Lower Your Risk of Divorce","author":"Lindsay Wilcox","date":"August 18, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"In case you were wondering, I am still not married. 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