{"id":68622,"date":"2014-12-12T11:10:36","date_gmt":"2014-12-12T17:10:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.austincnm.com\/?p=68622"},"modified":"2014-12-12T11:10:36","modified_gmt":"2014-12-12T17:10:36","slug":"tips-handling-grief-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2014\/12\/tips-handling-grief-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"Tips for Handling Grief During Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Grieving during the holidays is like riding a giant, wooden roller coaster that you never even wanted to get in line for in the first place. You go up and down, you get queasy, your body feels banged up and you never know what turn is coming next.<\/p>\n<p>(Fellow ACNM blogger, Rita Suva, posted an excellent article on holiday grief that you can read <a href=\"http:\/\/www.austincnm.com\/index.php\/2014\/12\/holidays-sad\/#.VIpZ-zHF-yc\">here<\/a>. She describes the ups and downs\u00a0of celebrating Advent and Christmas when you are grieving the loss of someone.)<\/p>\n<p>Grief can steal the light from any holiday, especially when they&#8217;re centered around family and togetherness. Holidays bring so many memories of loved ones, so many reminders of what we once shared with them &#8211; sights, sounds, smells, songs, decorations, traditions, foods&#8230; It may seem that everything is a reminder of our loved one and the life we used to live with them. It&#8217;s no wonder that we may get washed in more waves of grief during this time, no matter how much time has (or hasn&#8217;t) passed.<\/p>\n<p>You may experience a range of things as you navigate this time of parties and 24\/7 exposure to decorations and music\u00a0&#8211; anything from exhaustion to crying spells to irritability. These are all normal and even expected reactions to missing someone during the holidays. Some additional things you may experience include:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>Impaired judgement and decision making skills<\/li>\n<li>Decreased ability to cope<\/li>\n<li>Small tasks will appear huge<\/li>\n<li>Foggy brain\/muddled thoughts<\/li>\n<li>Both little and big things will go wrong, and it will seem as if things will never go smoothly again<\/li>\n<li>Pessimism<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/li>\n<li>Anger at others who are not grieving<\/li>\n<li>Feeling disconnected or isolated<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>So what can you do to get by? Here are a few helpful tips (compiled from Susan Cox and other members of The Christi Center, and the book <em>Healing Your Holiday Grief<\/em> \u00a0by Alan Wolfelt):<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Be compassionate with yourself.\n<ul>\n<li>Be compassionate and gentle with yourself as you encounter painful feelings and thoughts. Self-compassion in grief is important all the time, but especially now during the holidays. You are allowed to feel what you feel. You&#8217;re not crazy. I repeat, you are NOT crazy. Take all the time you need.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Savor the moment\n<ul>\n<li>Looking at the holidays as a whole can be overwhelming. Instead, try focusing on one day at a time, or even a couple hours at a time. If you find yourself dwelling on what might happen, ground yourself by focusing on your senses: what are you feeling, smelling, hearing, seeing right now?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Keep what matters.\n<ul>\n<li>Make a list of all your holiday traditions and circle those that you think are most essential.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Prepare to answer the tough questions.\n<ul>\n<li>Think about and prepare a response to the \u201cHow are you?\u201d question.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Plan in some alone time.\n<ul>\n<li>Tell people close to you that you need time alone, and take your phone off the hook.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Take good care of yourself.\n<ul>\n<li>Get plenty of rest, drink lots of fluids (limit the alcoholic ones), and eat well.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Simplify gift-giving.\n<ul>\n<li>Ask a friend for help with shopping and wrapping; stick to cards or the same small gift for everyone.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Laughter and humor.\n<ul>\n<li>It\u2019s okay to laugh. It\u2019s okay not to laugh. Laughter and humor can help us survive the pain of grief and help us get through the moment.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Schedule something that gives you pleasure each and every day.\n<ul>\n<li>Welcome moments of enjoyment wherever you find them. Give yourself something to look forward to everyday, no matter how small.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Say no.\n<ul>\n<li>It\u2019s OK to say no when you\u2019re asked to help with a project or attend a party.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Ignore hurtful advice.\n<ul>\n<li>If someone gives you hurtful advice, give yourself permission to tell them honestly how it makes you feel, or simply walk away.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>Plan for other holidays and anniversaries.\n<ul>\n<li>Make plans to spend the day with loved ones, or some time reflecting alone \u2013 whatever works best for you. Making a plan, from start to finish, can help get you through the day.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>If you\u2019re alone, find ways to connect with others.\n<ul>\n<li>Receiving support from others can be healing; invite a neighbor to dinner or reach out to a friend that may also be spending the holiday alone.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The bottom line is that grieving through the holidays may not be fun or easy &#8211; but it is <em>possible<\/em>. You <strong>can<\/strong> get through it. Remember: you don&#8217;t grieve to get over someone. Just because your physical relationship with that person has ended, doesn&#8217;t mean you still don&#8217;t have a relationship with them. It&#8217;s just different. You are allowed to remember them, have memorials of them, set a place for them at the holiday table, talk to them, write to them and pray for them. Grief doesn&#8217;t have to mean it&#8217;s over &#8211; it&#8217;s just different.<\/p>\n<p>If you would like additional support during this time, there are resources right here in Austin that understand and can provide help for individuals and groups:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/christicenter.org\/\">The Christi Center<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.myhealingplace.org\/\">My Healing Place<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.austindiocese.org\/counseling\">Diocese of Austin Family Counseling<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Grieving during the holidays is like riding a giant, wooden roller coaster that you never even wanted to get in line for in the first place. You go up and down, you get queasy, your body feels banged up and you never know what turn is coming next. (Fellow ACNM blogger, Rita Suva, posted an&#8230;&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2014\/12\/tips-handling-grief-christmas\/\">[Read&nbsp;More]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":114,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false},"categories":[4,90,89,88,11,91],"tags":[1688,2132,1192],"class_list":{"0":"post-68622","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-blog","7":"category-faith-blog","8":"category-family","9":"category-marriage-blog","10":"category-resources","11":"category-young-adult","12":"tag-coping","13":"tag-grief","14":"tag-holidays","15":"entry","16":"has-post-thumbnail"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":43135,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/12\/c-s-lewis-taught-grief\/","url_meta":{"origin":68622,"position":0},"title":"What C.S. Lewis Taught Me About Grief","author":"Britt Echtenkamp","date":"December 27, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cGrief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.\u201d \u2015\u00a0C.S. Lewis,\u00a0A Grief Observed Grief seems to me a confusing, unpredictable thing. You cry over someone's death, then laugh about the memories you shared. You have moments of soaring hope, and longer\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":189519,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2015\/12\/grinch-brain\/","url_meta":{"origin":68622,"position":1},"title":"When Christmas Brings Out Your Inner Grinch","author":"Britt Echtenkamp","date":"December 21, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I went to a major retailer to pick up a couple last minute gifts, when I noticed that a big sign on their front door. It read, \"OPEN 24 HOURS UNTIL CHRISTMAS EVE!\" Ugh. I hated that sign - to me it represents everything that's wrong about commercialized holidays. Yes,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Week 4","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/ACNM-Advent4.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":119783,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2015\/06\/miscarriage-and-grief\/","url_meta":{"origin":68622,"position":2},"title":"Miscarriage Loss, Revisted","author":"Britt Echtenkamp","date":"June 8, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"June is a beautiful month. Sure, it's ridiculously hot, tornadoes and hurricanes abound, and you get so many mosquito bites\u00a0it looks like you have chicken-pox, but it is still beautiful. People seem more carefree and plan vacations, the sunshine is lovely to behold (from inside an air-conditioned facility), and snow\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Marriage and Love&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Marriage and Love","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/marriage-blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":68588,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2014\/12\/holidays-sad\/","url_meta":{"origin":68622,"position":3},"title":"When Holidays Are Sad","author":"Rita Suva","date":"December 11, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Even though Christmas is \u201cthe most wonderful time of the year\u201d and the world seems awash with cheerfulness, color and lights, the holidays can be sad for some. It\u2019s sad for some because of the death of a loved one or because it can be a reminder of the broken\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"When Holidays Are Sad","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/sad_holiday2.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":165498,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2015\/10\/coping-with-grief-on-all-souls-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":68622,"position":4},"title":"Coping with Grief on All Souls Day","author":"Britt Echtenkamp","date":"October 26, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"One week from today, on November 2, 2015, we, the Church, will celebrate All Souls Day. All Souls Day is a time to remember those who have gone before us, a time to pray for them, and to ask them to pray for us. In doing so, we recognize that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Photo taken in Rome by author. 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As believers in particular, we carry the hope of the resurrection, but we were never promised we wouldn't feel pain, loneliness, and loss.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Blog&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"book cover","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/lewis-agriefobserved-198x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68622","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/114"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=68622"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68622\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=68622"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=68622"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=68622"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}