![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/walking-987451_1920-550x550.jpg?resize=550%2C550\")
<\/p>\nI have gotten a lot better at walking in my six months since the onset of vestibular neuritis. I\u2019m out of the wheelchair, I\u2019m caring for myself and my family again and I can drive to run all the errands I did before. Sometimes I forget I have a problem at all. But I find myself surprised at times to have trouble walking in crowds. I don\u2019t know where to put my feet when a lot of people are around and moving at different paces. My feet slow and fumble. I am waiting for their movements so I can plan mine.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I sat before the Blessed Sacrament to complain and found my mind making a parallel about my physical walking to my emotional and spiritual walking. I find it harder to make decisions around people. I would prefer to see what they are doing before I can decide. I don\u2019t like to rock the boat. I don\u2019t like to be the only one who decides differently.<\/p>\n
I can quite literally find myself paralyzed in a tight crowd where I have to walk amid others going in different directions. And this is true emotionally and spiritually too. I don\u2019t enjoy conflict. I literally don\u2019t want to walk and I figuratively don\u2019t want to walk.<\/p>\n
Jesus took me to John 5, the story of the paralyzed man cured on the Sabbath. He couldn\u2019t walk. I looked at my feet. I took off my socks and shoes, considering that the other people in the room might think I was a weirdo. But I gave Jesus custody of my feet, my feet that don\u2019t always want to walk.<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/800px-Robert_Bateman_-_The_Pool_of_Bethesda_-_Google_Art_Project-550x369.jpg?resize=550%2C369\")
The Pool of Bethesda<\/p><\/div>\n
In my reading, my heart burned as Jesus asked, \u201cDo you want to be well?\u201d<\/p>\n
The man in the story responded, \u201cI have no one to take me into the water when the pool is stirred up. And when I do get there, someone else got their first.\u201d<\/p>\n
Wrong answer. That isn\u2019t what Jesus asked. Jesus asked, \u201cDo you want to be well?\u201d<\/p>\n
Jesus took me on a journey about the question of healing for all sorts of human problems, not just those related to my feet. He highlighted each of the key words in His question: you, want, well<\/em>.<\/p>\n Do you<\/em> want to be well? Jesus didn\u2019t ask what the other people were doing. The man immediately blamed everyone else. Those people\u2026they won\u2019t take me to the water. Those people\u2026they keep getting there first. Those people. The man is full of bitterness. But Jesus isn\u2019t asking about \u201cthose people.\u201d He is asking the man: Do you want to be well? We can get fixated on everyone else \u2013 the spouse, the roommate, the co-worker, the family member, the people of the opposing political party. \u2018\u2018Everything would be better if \u2018those people\u2019 would change.\u2019\u2019 \u201cWhen \u2018those people\u2019 change, then I will be better.\u201d But Jesus doesn\u2019t ask about \u201cthose people.\u201d Jesus is asking about you.<\/p>\n Do you<\/em> want to be well? What is your problem? Do you see your problem? Do you know you have any problems? What about you?<\/p>\n Do you want<\/em> to be well? We sit in our problems and we complain. But actually, many of us love our problems. We don\u2019t know what we\u2019d do without our problems. We don\u2019t really want to forgive that person. They hurt us. So, we wrap ourselves in a blanket of hurt, a blanket that hurts so good. We don\u2019t really want to quit drinking. We know it\u2019s bad. But in the moment, the drinking feels good. We don\u2019t really want to quit complaining. The complaining feels good in the moment. We know it\u2019s bad. But if we were led out of Egypt, maybe we would complain that Egypt actually wasn\u2019t so bad.<\/p>\n Do you want<\/em> to be well? Are you willing to change? Do you really want to be rid of this problem, deep down? Because we don\u2019t choose sin in all its ugliness. We choose it because we were tempted to believe it did something good for us. We eat more to feel happy, even though we didn\u2019t need the food. We gossip because it makes us feel powerful and connected to the people with whom we are telling stories. We lie because we didn\u2019t want to get into deeper trouble. We have to remember, \u201cthe bread of deceit is sweet, but afterward the mouth will be full of gravel (Proverbs 20:17).\u201d Jesus asked, \u201cDo you want to be well?\u201d<\/p>\n Do you want to be well<\/em>? It\u2019s hard to make a change because you see it turning out so disastrously. You have to confess and tell the truth about that thing you lied about. All you can see is the pain of possible anger and rejection. You have to go on a diet and quit eating all that stuff that isn\u2019t good for you. All you see is the pain of not enjoying that empty thing that briefly made you happy. You have to quit these friends who gossip and mock people. But all you see is the pain of having to stick up for your morals, knowing the group will now gossip about your not wanting to gossip. But Jesus took me through that word \u201cwell\u201d and said things are going to turn out even better than we could have imagined. Even if things are difficult in the short run, you are going to be made well. Do you want to be well? The fruit of evil is poison. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, and self-control. All of these are good, signs of wellness.<\/p>\n I looked at my feet. Do I want to be made well? Do I want to walk in those places where I\u2019m not certain about how everyone else will move? Can I tackle those physical ramps any more than I can handle those emotional and spiritual ups and downs? Do I want to walk on uneven surfaces, let alone those bumps of obstacles and difficulties in life?<\/p>\n My physical therapist thinks I need to break the neurological habits of stopping in my tracks, reaching for walls and looking at my feet in distress. Can I really do that, trusting I\u2019m not going to fall? Can I trust that God is going to be there even when I can\u2019t feel Him?<\/p>\n Jesus told me that my difficulties are not because of \u201cthose people\u201d in my life who would be easier to blame. I have to ask for grace to \u201cwant\u201d to change those things that give me a false comfort and a false pleasure. I have to trust that when Jesus wants to break me from my sins and bad habits that I am going to be well, better than I could have ever imagined.<\/p>\n And maybe then, I will be able to walk \u2013 physically, spiritually and emotionally – without any difficulty.<\/p>\n John 5: 8-9 Jesus said to him, \u201cRise, take up your mat, and walk.\u201d Immediately, the man became well, took up his mat, and walked.<\/strong><\/p>\n Christ Healing at the Pool of Bethesda<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I have gotten a lot better at walking in my six months since the onset of vestibular neuritis. I\u2019m out of the wheelchair, I\u2019m caring for myself and my family again and I can drive to run all the errands I did before. Sometimes I forget I have a problem at all. But I find… [Read More]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":215,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[3355,957,1383,3414,3415],"class_list":["post-519429","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-blog","tag-emotional-healing","tag-healing","tag-john","tag-pool-of-bethesda","tag-proverbs","entry","has-post-thumbnail"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/1024px-Christ_Healing_at_the_Pool_of_Bethesda_MET_DP801839-550x382.jpg?resize=550%2C382\")