{"id":40863,"date":"2013-07-24T07:38:06","date_gmt":"2013-07-24T12:38:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.austincnm.com\/?p=40863"},"modified":"2013-07-24T16:46:35","modified_gmt":"2013-07-24T21:46:35","slug":"on-tolstoy-summer-and-gold-in-the-sand","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/07\/on-tolstoy-summer-and-gold-in-the-sand\/","title":{"rendered":"on Tolstoy, summer and gold in the sand"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"tolstoy<\/a><\/p>\n

Summer is half way over, and I\u2019m just now getting into the groove. Staying up a little later, waking up later, too. Letting things go slack, allowing everyone a little more space, more time, more freedom.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s like I\u2019ve exhaled, finally, from the school-year before. And I realize how much stress I carry with me during those days. I know I spend much time thinking of my children, praying for them, hoping the best for them… obsessing maybe? Just a bit? “Well, if you keep THAT up (grades, behavior, practice schedules, grooming habits) you’re going to have a rough go of it.”\u00a0 At the time, it seems like the ‘right thing’ to do. I’m caring, involved, proactive. And stressed out.<\/p>\n

Why do I now feel lighter, happier, like a huge weight has been lifted?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not that I\u2019m less busy! I\u2019m driving and and cleaning and coordinating and working just as much. Am I that much less consumed by thoughts of my children\u2019s achievements and future?<\/p>\n

Do I really hold such a grip \u2013 the white knuckled kind – on everything when school is upon us? So much so that when I let it go, I’m almost different person?<\/p>\n

Is that why we have summer vacation? Is it really for the moms?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been reading Anna Karenina this summer. It\u2019s long, it\u2019s intriguing, and it makes you both wince in distress and bounce with joy over various characters. And, if you know how it ends, which most people do, a part of you is just waiting to see how it all falls into place, and hoping that your<\/i> book might contain the secret alternative ending that Tolstoy really<\/i> intended.<\/p>\n

As with others of Tolstoy\u2019s writings, I am completely intrigued with his knowledge of the human heart. Where does he get this stuff? How does he KNOW? And it is his secondary characters who have won me over utterly.<\/p>\n

I read this passage the other day, and\u2026 well\u2026 :<\/p>\n

(The character Darya Alexandrovna, Anna’s sister-in-law, has taken a summer vacation to the countryside with her children; they are swimming at the river.)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWith six children Darya Alexandrovna could not be calm. One got sick, another might get sick, a third lacked something, a fourth showed signs of bad character, and so on, and so on.\u00a0 Rarely, rarely would there be short periods of calm\u2026. But besides that, however painful the mother\u2019s fear of illnesses, the illnesses themselves, and the distress at seeing signs of bad inclinations in her children, the children themselves repaid her griefs with small joys. These joys were so small that they could not be seen, like gold in the sand, and in her bad moments she saw only griefs, only sand; but there were also good moments, when she saw only joys, only gold.<\/p>\n

Now, in her country solitude, she was more aware of these joys. Often, looking at them, she made every possible effort to convince herself that she was mistaken, that as a mother she was partial to her children; all the same, she could not but tell herself that she had lovely children, all six of them, each in a different way, but such as rarely happens \u2013 and she was happy in them and proud of them.\u201d – Anna Karenina<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gold in the sand.<\/p>\n

Is that why God has given me summer? For me to take the time to see that there IS gold in the sand? To stop analyzing \u2013 report cards, handwriting, study skills, music practice, sports, chores \u2013 and to just let be?<\/p>\n

I was at the beach a few weeks ago, at sunset. Myself and the kids, walking on the sand toward the water, after a 5-hour drive. Still in their travel clothes, they begged to go see the water. They ran toward the foamy waves, rustling up bits of shells and more bits of seaweed, laughing and kicking water up onto each other, dresses and denim shorts getting soaked.<\/p>\n

They are so beautiful, I thought.<\/p>\n

So good.<\/p>\n

Just as they are.<\/p>\n

Shrugging my expectations off their shoulders like an old robe.<\/p>\n

And I thought of dear Darya, looking for the gold in the sand, like she was walking just beside me.<\/p>\n

And I realized,<\/p>\n

There\u2019s as much gold as we choose to see, Darya.<\/p>\n

It could be all gold, if we let it.<\/p>\n

\"tolstoy,<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cTo touch all those plump little legs, pulling stockings on them, to take in her arms and dip those naked little bodies and hear joyful or frightened shrieks; to see the breathless faces of those splashing little cherubs, with their wild, frightened and merry eyes, was a great pleasure for her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Darya in the river with her children, Anna Karenina<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Summer is half way over, and I\u2019m just now getting into the groove. Staying up a little later, waking up later, too. Letting things go slack, allowing everyone a little more space, more time, more freedom. It\u2019s like I\u2019ve exhaled, finally, from the school-year before. And I realize how much stress I carry with me… [Read More]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":98,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[89],"tags":[127,959,165,1886,1885],"class_list":{"0":"post-40863","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-family","7":"tag-children","8":"tag-motherhood","9":"tag-parenting","10":"tag-summertime","11":"tag-tolstoy","12":"entry","13":"has-post-thumbnail"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":39811,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/05\/5-secrets-of-a-happy-summer-at-home\/","url_meta":{"origin":40863,"position":0},"title":"5 Secrets of a Happy Summer at Home","author":"Julia Motekaitis","date":"May 23, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3:1 \u00a0 Central Texas is amazing place to live. I've been here for 10 years and never desire to live elsewhere... unless of course it's summertime.....when (as a visiting friend once described to me)\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/-0flfq_le-ek\/UZ2a27-Mh7I\/AAAAAAAAGTI\/Y0kuMuG44fo\/s320\/Koi%2Bpond.JPG?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":905056,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2018\/05\/the-unofficial-start-to-summer-now-what\/","url_meta":{"origin":40863,"position":1},"title":"The Unofficial Start to Summer: Now What?","author":"Rachel","date":"May 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"They say Memorial Day is the unofficial start to summer. Alongside being a day where we remember those who've given their lives for our country, and a day where families and friends gather to celebrate at the lake, at the parks, etc, it's also a day that signals the end\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/Landscape-photography.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/Landscape-photography.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/Landscape-photography.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/Landscape-photography.png?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":39967,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/06\/summer-is-for-living-enjoying-not-just-surviving-the-season-with-your-kids\/","url_meta":{"origin":40863,"position":2},"title":"Summer Is For Living: Enjoying (not just surviving) the Season with Your Kids","author":"Kathryn Whitaker","date":"June 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Whether your children go to school, stay at home or do a combination of the two, there is no doubt that summer brings a new schedule to the house. I mean, you can smell the chlorine, taste the ice cream and feel the heat, am I right? At our house,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"summer is for living","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/summer-is-for-living-200x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":40032,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/06\/slave-of-two-masters-a-book-pre-view\/","url_meta":{"origin":40863,"position":3},"title":"Slave of Two Masters, A Book Pre-view","author":"Rachel","date":"June 7, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"With the arrival of summer, I have been stressing out about money. Vacations, weddings, extra weekly outings with friends in town, switching apartments...etc. I know I'm not alone in this - every summer there is a HUGE push in sales, advertising, etc around vacations, summer activities, entertainment, fashion, food -\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"THUMBNAIL_IMAGE","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/06\/THUMBNAIL_IMAGE.jpeg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":427293,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2017\/06\/summer-for-your-soul\/","url_meta":{"origin":40863,"position":4},"title":"Summer for your Soul","author":"Rachel","date":"June 26, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 In the Sunday homily yesterday, the priest\u00a0preached about the relationship between the body and the soul, taking this line of scripture from the Gospel reading as a starting place: \"And do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, be afraid of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/blue-2309309__340.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/blue-2309309__340.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/blue-2309309__340.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":38779,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/03\/how-to-keep-your-tween-a-child-for-just-a-little-while-longer\/","url_meta":{"origin":40863,"position":5},"title":"How to keep your tween a child for just a little while longer","author":"Lauren Gulde","date":"March 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Tween. 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