{"id":40721,"date":"2013-07-18T09:14:33","date_gmt":"2013-07-18T14:14:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.austincnm.com\/?p=40721"},"modified":"2013-07-18T21:07:35","modified_gmt":"2013-07-19T02:07:35","slug":"setting-your-family-ablaze-relationships-part-4-of-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/07\/setting-your-family-ablaze-relationships-part-4-of-5\/","title":{"rendered":"Setting Your Family Ablaze &#8211; Relationships &#8211; Part 4 of 5"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/mini_500_10882_123826151651710.jpg\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-24240\" alt=\"Bonfire\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/mini_500_10882_123826151651710-300x225.jpg?resize=300%2C225\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" \/><\/a>Relationships must be cultivated if we are to set our families ablaze and begin to change this culture.\u00a0 Relationships are the third necessary piece to the puzzle of transforming our families.\u00a0 For them to flourish, three elements, properly understood, must consciously and actively be made present in our families through the parents.\u00a0 As with all things in living out the mystery of our parenthood, we must look to the source of all parenthood &#8211; the source of all unity, the Father &#8220;from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named&#8221; (Eph. 3:14), the invisible God &#8211; for the guidance and the strength to visibly reflect the truth in love about relationships to our spouses, to our children, and to those with whom we come into contact.\u00a0 Of course, we know that Jesus, the 2nd person of the Holy Trinity, came to reveal the mystery of the invisible God to us, to make the invisible God visible.\u00a0 Then, He entrusted us with the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony that we might continue to make the truth about God visibly present to this world.\u00a0 For us parents, the family provides the first and most critical venue for making God visible to this world.\u00a0 In order to accomplish this God-given task, we need to focus on three vehicles through which His love becomes concretely present in our families.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Time &#8211; <\/strong>In order to develop relationships, like our God, we must take time to be with our children where they are.\u00a0 God became man and walked among us.\u00a0 He worked with human hands and loved with a human heart.\u00a0 As parents, we need to make sure that we &#8220;descend&#8221; into our children&#8217;s world.\u00a0 We need to know that the quantity of time is key.\u00a0 I&#8217;m not sure how one can measure the quality of time &#8211; an overused term that, in our opinion, justifies a smaller quantity of time.\u00a0 When they are young and are playing with blocks or with dolls, get down on the floor with them and play. \u00a0 As they get older, take walks with them.\u00a0 As they reach milestones, take a trip with them.\u00a0 When our son&#8217;s reach 13, Trey takes the boy to Boston to see the Red Sox play.\u00a0 Stephanie takes the girls to Chicago or New York.\u00a0 It doesn&#8217;t have to be that extravagant.\u00a0 What is important is that you are actively making time alone with each of your children.\u00a0 When you do this, opportunities become available because you have made yourselves available.\u00a0 You will be amazed at the opportunities that God can give you as you spend time with them.\u00a0 My daughter has asked Trey questions in non-structured time together like &#8220;How did you know that mom was the person that you were supposed to marry?&#8221; and &#8220;What would a boy need to do if he wanted to ask me out?&#8221;\u00a0 Time provides opportunities.\u00a0<strong> Make time. <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Trust &#8211; <\/strong>Trust means to do what you say you are going to do.\u00a0 God has always done what He has said He will do.\u00a0 He is faithful.\u00a0 He is trustworthy.\u00a0 As a visible sign of this invisible God, if you say you will be there to pick them up at a certain time, be there at that time.\u00a0 Trust is built up over years.\u00a0 It comes from year after year doing what you tell them you will do.\u00a0 When they get older, you need to be able to ask them the question, &#8220;have I ever misled you or told you something that is not true?&#8221;, when you are asking them to trust you on something.\u00a0 You and they need to know the answer.\u00a0 Furthermore, trust also is built on delivering the truth in love.\u00a0 Don&#8217;t be &#8220;American Idol parents&#8221; &#8211; a term we&#8217;ve used in our house.\u00a0 If you&#8217;ve ever watched the show, you know there are parents who don&#8217;t and haven&#8217;t told their children the truth about their singing ability.\u00a0 As spectators, we watch these &#8220;singers&#8221; enter the judging room and begin singing horribly.\u00a0 The judges truthfully tell them they are not good enough to continue.\u00a0 On the way out, you hear the parents of the singer telling the child that the judges don&#8217;t know what they are talking about.\u00a0 That he or she is a &#8220;great singer&#8221;. \u00a0 That one day, he or she will show them.\u00a0 The parent is lying to the child.\u00a0 Be willing to tell your children the truth about their gifts and talents.\u00a0 Sometimes the truth is you need to work harder.\u00a0 Sometimes the truth is this really isn&#8217;t your gift.\u00a0 If not, then God has another gift for you to share with this world because you are unique and unrepeatable.\u00a0 Whatever you do, tell them the truth in love.\u00a0 Be trustworthy.\u00a0 <strong>Build Trust.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Authority &#8211; <\/strong>Frequently, authority is misunderstood in our society.\u00a0 Christian parents must accurately understand authority and then practice it in a way that reveals the true nature of authority to our children.\u00a0 Authority is for service.\u00a0 As Jesus said, in this world, those in authority &#8220;lord it over them&#8221;.\u00a0 As parents, our authority &#8211; the position that allows us to set limits and demand certain things of those under our authority &#8211; is ours for the sake of our children.\u00a0 We set limits in order to help our children become who God created them to be.\u00a0 We tell them to turn off the X-Box or the TV because they should use that time to better themselves &#8211; to sleep, to study, to exercise.\u00a0 The limit is placed there for the sake of the child.\u00a0 We don&#8217;t tell them to turn it off because our favorite show is on or because we want quiet.\u00a0 That would be &#8220;lording it over them&#8221;, using authority for my benefit.\u00a0 Ask yourself why you&#8217;re requiring something from your child.\u00a0 Is it for them or for yourself?\u00a0 If it is for their benefit, be able to explain that to your child.\u00a0 You do not always need to explain it to them.\u00a0 Sometimes &#8220;because I said so&#8221; is reason enough.\u00a0 But you do need to know that it is for their benefit, for their good.\u00a0 So, establish limits and have expectations for the benefit of your child.\u00a0 <strong>Use Authority.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>These are three concrete manifestations of love, of self-gift, of the very essence of God Himself.\u00a0 Through you, God makes Himself present to your children.\u00a0 If you consciously <strong>make time, build trust, and use authority<\/strong>, relationships will be cultivated; your family will be set ablaze, and our culture will begin to change.\u00a0 You will be consciously and actively participating in the mystery of parenthood.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Relationships must be cultivated if we are to set our families ablaze and begin to change this culture.\u00a0 Relationships are the third necessary piece to the puzzle of transforming our families.\u00a0 For them to flourish, three elements, properly understood, must consciously and actively be made present in our families through the parents.\u00a0 As with all&#8230;&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/07\/setting-your-family-ablaze-relationships-part-4-of-5\/\">[Read&nbsp;More]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":157,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false},"categories":[671],"tags":[1690,55,452,373,50,2890,81,720,1864,647,177],"class_list":{"0":"post-40721","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-column","7":"tag-authority","8":"tag-catholic-2","9":"tag-christian","10":"tag-discipline","11":"tag-faith","12":"tag-family","13":"tag-marriage","14":"tag-parenthood","15":"tag-practical-applications","16":"tag-raising-children","17":"tag-sacrament","18":"entry"},"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":39806,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/06\/four-keys-to-setting-our-families-ablaze-part-1-of-5\/","url_meta":{"origin":40721,"position":0},"title":"Four Keys to Setting Our Families Ablaze &#8211; Part 1 of 5","author":"Trey and Stephanie Cashion","date":"June 6, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I came to cast fire upon the earth; and would that it were already kindled! (Luke 12:49) Jesus desired then, and He desires now that a fire be kindled on earth.\u00a0 Today, as much as at any time before in history, we as Catholics, as Christians, must take these words\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Column&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Column","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/column\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Bonfire","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/mini_500_10882_123826151651710-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":42494,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/11\/part-4-6-pope-francis-parenthood-importance-admission\/","url_meta":{"origin":40721,"position":1},"title":"Part 4 of 6 &#8211; Pope Francis, Parenthood, and the Importance of Admission","author":"Trey and Stephanie Cashion","date":"November 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them. (Cathechism of the Catholic Church, 2223) Early in his pontificate, Pope Francis has given parents yet another tip \u00a0- admitting our failings to our children. \u00a0One of the common\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Column&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Column","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/column\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Pope Francis and Holy Spirit","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/Pope-Francis-and-HS-300x221.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":41875,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/10\/pope-francis-and-parenthood\/","url_meta":{"origin":40721,"position":2},"title":"5 Things Pope Francis Can Teach Parents About Parenthood &#8211; Part 1 of 6","author":"Trey and Stephanie Cashion","date":"October 9, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Pope Francis has taught us quite a bit about parenthood. \u00a0In word and deed and in just the first six months as \"Papa\", his words and his actions have taught us and can teach any parent something about raising children. \u00a0Today, we'd like to share some of what we've learned\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Column&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Column","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/column\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Pope Francis and Holy Spirit","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/Pope-Francis-and-HS-300x221.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":40992,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/08\/setting-your-family-ablaze-part-5-of-5-evangelization\/","url_meta":{"origin":40721,"position":3},"title":"Setting Your Family Ablaze &#8211; Part 5 of 5 &#8211; Evangelization","author":"Trey and Stephanie Cashion","date":"August 1, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The last key to setting your family ablaze is to embrace the call to evangelization, \"that is, the proclamation of Christ by word and testimony of life\" (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 905).\u00a0 For most Catholics, this seems to be the hardest one to embrace.\u00a0 Faith and Integration, the first\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Column&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Column","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/column\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Bonfire","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/mini_500_10882_123826151651710-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":40200,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/06\/four-keys-to-setting-our-families-ablaze-part-2-of-5-faith\/","url_meta":{"origin":40721,"position":4},"title":"Four Keys to Setting Our Families Ablaze &#8211; Part 2 of 5 &#8211; Faith","author":"Trey and Stephanie Cashion","date":"June 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen ... And without faith it is impossible to please Him.\u00a0 For whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him\" (Hebrews 11:1,6) \u00a0 If our\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Column&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Column","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/column\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Bonfire","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/mini_500_10882_123826151651710-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":40454,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2013\/07\/setting-your-family-ablaze-integration-part-3-of-5\/","url_meta":{"origin":40721,"position":5},"title":"Setting Your Family Ablaze &#8211; Integration &#8211; Part 3 of 5","author":"Trey and Stephanie Cashion","date":"July 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\"There cannot be two parallel lives in [the Christian's] existence on the one hand, the so-called \u201cspiritual\u201d life, with its values and demands; and on the other, the so-called \u201csecular\u201d life that is life in a family, at work, in social relationships, in the responsibilities of public life and in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Column&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Column","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/column\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Bonfire","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/mini_500_10882_123826151651710-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40721","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/157"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40721"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40721\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40721"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40721"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40721"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}