Relevant Radio<\/a>.<\/p>\nSo, yeah, my Lenten resolutions went down the drain, and with it, my positivity and motivation.<\/p>\n
Instead of focusing on my gratitude for my daughter’s health (she’s better now, praise God) or how thankful I am for my new practice and loving husband, I spent most of my time having these kinds of thoughts:<\/p>\n
“Ugh, I’m so fat and I’ll never get back into a healthy routine.”<\/p>\n
“Ugh, I haven’t had a vacation in forever\u00a0and I won’t get one ever again.”<\/p>\n
“Ugh, allergies are the worst and why do I always have them?!”<\/p>\n
“I can’t keep up with all of this laundry! I’m a terrible mother.”<\/p>\n
“I can’t keep up with meal planning and cooking only whole foods! I’m a terrible mother.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t have the energy to play developmentally appropriate games with my daughter every second she’s awake. I’m a terrible mother.”<\/p>\n
“I’m not praying a rosary every day in addition to weekly adoration in addition to serving the poor in addition to praying back-to-back novenas. I’m a terrible Catholic.”<\/p>\n
Notice a trend? The “I can’t”, “I’m terrible”, “always\/never”, black and white, catastrophosizing thinking are warning signs that healthy thinking has jumped ship and depressive thinking has taken the wheel. (I’ll talk about depressive thinking and cognitive behavioral therapy in my next post.)<\/p>\n
It was all very “woe is me” Job type stuff, except Job actually had something to complain about. This is how I usually cope with hard times – turning back into the emo curmudgeon I was all through high school and college. My thoughts become depressed, negative, and turned inward.<\/p>\n
I was mad at myself that I didn’t stick to my plans. I was supposed to joining Jesus in the desert through fasting and prayer! But instead, all of this stress happened and I did the opposite. I failed at Lent!<\/p>\n
But wait a second…<\/p>\n
Isn’t Lent about being in the desert and enduring suffering?<\/p>\n
Bishop Robert Barron said recently in his Lenten reflection:<\/p>\n
What does the desert symbolize? A number of things: confrontation with one\u2019s own sin, seeing one\u2019s dark side; a deep realization of one\u2019s dependency upon God; an ordering of the priorities of one\u2019s life; a simplification, a getting back to basics. It means any and all of these things.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
And this is precisely what I experienced this Lent: being stripped of my ego through suffering, and realizing that I can’t be perfect. I can’t protect my daughter from everything. I can’t live out my vocation all on my own. I am imperfect. I am dependent.\u00a0I do too much. I expect too much of myself. I try to do it all on my own without asking for help.<\/p>\n
God in His infinite wisdom, brought me through this Lenten journey in the way that I needed it the most. He broke me down and is waiting for me to run, not walk, to the cross.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nBishop Barron goes on to describe how this breaking down is often necessary to prepare us for our mission, to allow us to let go of our own pride and selfish tendencies, and rely on God to give us what we need.<\/p>\n
But the bottom line is that all of them had to wait through a painful time, living a stripped down life, before they were ready for mission. They were compelled to wait, during a time and in a place where very little life seems to be on offer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
We will be tempted for an easier way out, that’s for sure. We will have that voice that tells us to drink and eat in excess, to waste money on things we don’t need, to engage in behavior for the cheap thrill because “we deserve it”. You’ve worked so hard, you’re suffering so much, don’t you deserve to take part in these empty, earthly pleasures?<\/p>\n
Shut it, Satan. Or rather, “get thee behind me”, to put it Biblically.<\/p>\n
It’s so easy to fall into the lie. And once we do, we usually come out of it full of self-loathing, leaving us prone to fall into the same trap again.<\/p>\n
But we were made for greater things. It is only through God and his mercy that we are able to achieve that to which He has called us. That calling is what will bring us true joy and love.<\/p>\n
It will be hard. We will be tempted. We will fail. But as we go into Holy Week, we are reminded that God’s love is so great that He will pick us up and carry us through that desert, over and over again. As long as it takes to get us to our eternal home.\u00a0We just have to die to ourselves enough to accept his help.<\/p>\n
Thank God we celebrate the Passion every year. It’s like God knows what we need… Weird.<\/p>\n
Happy Holy Week, my friends.<\/p>\n
Hallelujah, I’m caving in
\nHallelujah, I’m in love again
\nHallelujah, I’m a wretched man
\nHallelujah, every breath is a second chance<\/strong>
\n– Switchfoot “Always”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I had the best of intentions. I really did. Despite the stress from recent major life changes (getting married, moving three times, having a baby, leaving a job, starting a business and buying a house, all within 18 months), I set myself up for a Lent of awesome fasting, prayer, and spiritual reconnection with my… [Read More]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":114,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"{title}\n\n{excerpt}\n\n{url}","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[4],"tags":[57,562,591,1550,74,702],"class_list":["post-227379","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-blog","tag-easter","tag-fasting","tag-lent","tag-passion","tag-prayer","tag-suffering","entry","has-post-thumbnail"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":387756,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/father-love-lenten-reflection\/","url_meta":{"origin":227379,"position":0},"title":"To My Father For All His Love: A Lenten Reflection","author":"Anonymous","date":"April 7, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Guest Post by Deacon Dan Lupo In Chicago, where I grew up, March days are shrouded in gray, blasted by icy wind, and blanketed by snow. Perfect Lent weather. The weather is Lent-perfect because the gray skies evoke a somber mood, which matches the serious attitude Lent fosters. Lent calls\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Faith"","block_context":{"text":"Faith","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/faith-blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/deacondan-2-ordination-157x190.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":378707,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2017\/03\/living-lent-like-little-one\/","url_meta":{"origin":227379,"position":1},"title":"Living Lent like a Little One","author":"Rachel","date":"March 20, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Lent is a\u00a0season of conversion, a call to repentance, a time of turning back to God. To me, these are Christ's most striking words on conversion: Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children,\u00a0you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. \u00a0(Matthew 18:3) Unless you turn\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/child-angel-statue.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/child-angel-statue.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/child-angel-statue.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/child-angel-statue.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":365517,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2017\/02\/a-lent-of-luminous-darkness-and-wild-seeds\/","url_meta":{"origin":227379,"position":2},"title":"A Lent of Luminous Darkness and Wild Seeds","author":"Shawn Rain Chapman","date":"February 21, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"I love Lent. I am always happy to hear that I am dust, and that to dust I shall return. When I close my eyes to pray, I can really tell I am dust. In here where I live, it's quiet and dark. Simple. Nothing to it. \u00a0Who am I?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/atxcatholic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/maxresdefault-332x187.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":101478,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2015\/03\/what-my-husband-taught-me-about-lent\/","url_meta":{"origin":227379,"position":3},"title":"What My Husband Taught Me About Lent","author":"Britt Echtenkamp","date":"March 30, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"This Lenten season is the first one Danger and I have experienced as husband and wife. We began the season as brand new parents, and didn't spend much time discerning what our Lenten sacrifices would be, either\u00a0individually and as a couple. At first, I declared I would give up Sonic\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Blog"","block_context":{"text":"Blog","link":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/category\/acnm\/blog\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Face of Jesus","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.austincnm.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/sufferingservant-184x190.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":720454,"url":"https:\/\/atxcatholic.com\/index.php\/2018\/03\/the-waze-of-god\/","url_meta":{"origin":227379,"position":4},"title":"The “Waze” of God","author":"Rachel","date":"March 3, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"You know that moment when you plug your destination into Waze, and you hope and thinking, \u201cAm I going to make it on time?...Waze says I\u2019ll get there 5:23pm\u2026but maybe the traffic will lighten up? 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